A Little Bit Of Heaven

We meet free spirit Marley (Kate Hudson) before she knows she has cancer. Marley sleeps soundly with her dog in her bed rather than a boyfriend, because she's a free spirit. Marley rises - late for work again! - and stumbles around her flat, before riding to work on a bicycle, accompanied by the strains of a wretched score trying desperately to evoke Ally McBeal, because she's a free spirit. Marley is freely late to her spirited advertising pitch but wins the contract freely and spiritedly because the spirit that she has is so free.

Then - uh oh! - Marley has to visit the doctor, although naturally she insists she's Totally Fine and is Just A Little Under The Weather. Anyone who has seen many soap operas or daytime TV movies will realise that heading to the doctor while insisting you're Totally Fine and Just A Little Under The Weather is tantamount to a death sentence, but Marley probably hasn't seen the right type of programmes. She's too busy living life to the max with her wacky circle of single/gay/black/pregnant mates and avoiding the parents with whom she has issues. Anybody concerned that any of the numerous people in Marley's life will receive insufficient screen time during the course of a long and punishing character arc stretching the entire length of the movie - do not worry.

Enter sexy but uptight doctor Julian (Gael Garcia Bernal). Even the most relaxed of women might feel some tension at the idea of being given a colonoscopy by Gael Garcia Bernal, but not this kooky chick: Marley's cracking wise right up until she passes out. Now, this isn't the sort of research we normally have to conduct to write a film review, but I've checked and colonoscopies are typically not conducted under general anaesthetic, so it's a bit of a surprise that she suddenly goes unconscious, but to give the film's undoubted medical accuracies their due, it's entirely possible that she is simply high on her own overwhelming sense of gladsome gaiety.

Anyway, once Gael Garcia Bernal has stuck a tube up Marley's bottom and she's lost in the heavenly mists of her convenient bout of plot-related unconsciousness, Whoopi Goldberg manifests, tells her she's going to die soon and offers to grant her three wishes. Imagine Cinderella meets Jackass meets Finding Neverland. Now once you're done imagining that, go about your business and don't give A Little Bit Of Heaven another moment of your time; it really is completely awful.